It’s DONE!!! May 31, 2007

Today was the Big Day we shaved my head. My brother-in-law Bobby joined me as we had a shaving party. My friend Judy from Hailey Studios came and photographed the big event. It was terrifying but it was fun to have everyone there. Adam after I was done said, “Mommy you look beautiful!” Then he went over to uncle Eric and said he wanted to look like me. So Adam had his head shaved soon followed by Tyler. So I have three bald boys. I think we might get some looks!!! My boys are just so precious to me and I’m just in tears thinking about what they did. I feel so blessed to have such wonderful little Monkeys! To see all the pictures click: http://www.times2treasure.com/Baldisbeautiful

To Shave or Not to Shave that is the question…… May 31, 2007

Ryan (adopted brother), Eric (brother), Susan (me), Top Kevin (brother)

Russell Paul(Eric’s Wife’s Brother), Bottom Kyle (brother)

My Uncle Chip and brother’s decided to give me a surprise look into baldness. They wanted to model this new look and make sure I’m not alone in my new adventure. Talk about cheering someone up!! They are the best! Now they get to experience cold heads and itchy scalp along with me. It’s wonderful to not be alone.

Eric Cutting Uncle Chips hair in 1st photo followed by finished bald beauty’s, then the fun hair styles they tried out before going bald.

They had a large audience watching this happen in front of Kevin’s store. My uncle Chip came from AZ to take part in the shaving party. I can’t tell you how loved I feel. They are so dear to me!!! The only problem they face now is well…. will any one serve them? 6 bald white guys walking around doesn’t evoke the same loving feelings I have for them. Thank you!!!!!!

Pain May 30, 2007

Pain does things to a person. It is all consuming and so hard to think about anything else. I havn’t posted recently because my load is almost too much to bear right now. The pain is more horrible than I imagined. I didn’t know if I should post the truth because the truth is so ugly. I’m struggling in all areas right now. I’m at a low and this is just the beginning. I went to the oncologist yesterday and just cried and explained all the side effects I’m experiencing. The physician’s assistant said some people have little side effects and some people have all of them. I fall in the ALL category. They were both very kind and said they were putting on their cheer-leading outfits to cheer me on. The thought of 10 more treatments is more then I can fathom. I’m still in such horrible agony from the last treatment and I have another one in 6 days!

My hair is falling out. It is now kind of annoying because I feel like a shedding dog. I wear a hat to avoid leaving all my hair behind. I guess we should vote if I should just shave it now or not? Adam was very curious about this fact today and asked many questions. He ran his fingers in my hair and got a hand full. He asked if I could put it back in my head. He wanted to know what I will look like and why it’s falling out. He tried tugging on his hair to get his to come out, but no luck.

Tyler said he wished I was better already. It’s hard for them. Today I got up to eat some crackers and ending up throwing up in the sink. Ty and AJ are asking questions as this is happening like, “Mommy, why are you throwing up, how do you spell Rocky, does this look like a 6?” Then the kicker was they ended up laughing because I couldn’t stop throwing up. To them it became comical because I just wasn’t stopping. This is just too much for them to process. They want their Mom back. They want to know how I got this sickness and where I caught it. They have concluded that I must have swallowed some ocean water and caught cancer.

My kids are my joy!! I can’t tell you how much I treasure each moment with them. Luke runs to me and wraps his little arms around my neck while I sing to him. Ty and Adam love to cuddle and give me hugs. I love their inquisitive minds. They are a great distraction! So here’s to loving your kids!

A Brief Distraction May 28, 2007

On Friday night Tyler decided to give us a little distraction. Susie and I were laying on our bed and Tyler had come in the room to visit. He loves to bounce on the bed and jump off of the bed onto a love sack (a big bean bag). Sometimes he even likes to do flips as he jumps off of Susie’s hope chest that rests at the foot of our bed. At about 7:30PM, Tyler stood up on the hope chest and said, “Do you wanna see me do a flip?” Susie promptly said, “No, you’ll break your neck!” Tyler looked at the love sack, looked at his mom, looked back at the love sack, and jumped. Surprisingly, he complete a flip in the air! Unfortunately, we heard a loud thud as he completed his flip and hit his head on a corner of the hope chest. Susie and I both jumped up off the bed and found him laying on the love sack, holding his head. He wasn’t crying, but just grimacing a little. I picked him up and held him for a minute, rubbing his head. I then happened to see that my hand was covered with blood. We took him into the light, where we realized that he has about a one inch gouge in the back of his head. Susie immediately said that she wanted him to go to the emergency room, but I voted for just shaving a little of his head around the cut and putting a bandaid on it. After he vomited a couple of times, I gave in and we headed down the street to the closest ER.

The ER is not a fun place to be, especially in Murrieta (Inland Valley). The halls of the ER are lined with hospital beds filled with all sorts of aching and injured people. We were there for about four hours, until 11:30, and I kept wishing that there was something I could do to help the injured people that were sitting all around us. Tyler was sleepy for the first few hours, and then suddenly became hyper. They performed a CT scan of his head, which indicated that everything underneath his thick skull is OK (they use the word “unremarkable” on the report). He then had three staples put into his head to hold the cut together while it heals. About an hour before the staples were installed, the nurse left the staple gun on a table next to his bed (in the hall). I thought that Tyler might like to see what they were going to use to put the staples into his head, so I let him see the gun. I realized later that this was a mistake. This apparently created some serious anxiety in the young lad, and when it was time for him to have the staples installed, we needed five people to hold him down so that the doctor could do his job. I guess it’s better to surprise people with painful procedures, rather than give them too much time to think about them. After the staples were in at about 11:15, he suddenly got a burst of energy and was jumping around the crowded hospital halls. Tyler says that the stapling felt like little pinches.

Susie was at the ER with us during this entire ordeal. She was tired, but she seemed to have just enough energy to make sure that her firstborn was properly cared for. She wore a air filter face mask the entire time we were there, so hopefully she didn’t pick up any of the strange germs that were floating around the ER. Once we got a hall-bed at about 9:30, she laid with Tyler on the bed.

Tyler is very happy that just his skin was cut, and that his brain is OK.  He’s not real excited about the $100 he now owes me for his ER visit!

Too Sick to Post May 26, 2007

Sorry no post yesterday. I was too sick and weak to post. Every muscle in my body felt like it had run a marathon and my skin hurt to touch. The cramps, mouth sores…. it was a bad day. Today I’m seeking relief and going to see an acupuncturist. I’m willing to try anything to get some relief. The battle has once again started within my body and I feel like I’m unfortunately underneath the battle being trampled under toe.  I’m alive, but barely. In good news my toe doesn’t hurt Wish me luck with the needles!!!! Have a wonderful day full of breathing in the great air.  Enjoy your food and drink and take a minute to really enjoy what a blessing today is. If you can, do it extra hard for me.

Thanks!

They’re BACK…..Day3 Round 2 May 24, 2007

My darling little mouth sore have rejoined my mouth.  They must have missed me terribly over the past few days.  I thought I had headed them off my chewing on Ice chips during the A drug and starting the medicine to prevent them that 1st night.  Oh well I guess these little mouth sores just enjoy my mouth.  I slept in to 11am I feel like a teenager again!!   I wish when I woke up I felt like one.  Instead I felt like I had been run over by a truck.  My body is killing me and I feel SICK, my mouth aches.  I would love to take a big shot of amnesia until this passes.  But I’m suppose to be learning from this and I need to be awake to learn I would imagine.   Today’s lesson: day time TV sucks.  I think this is b/c the media would like us to do better things with our time then watch their programing.  Lesson 2:  I’m not a real JEDI I know my last name leads us to believe this but I tried all day to move things around in my bed room with my Jedi mind tricks.  It wasn’t until my Mom and sister came up that is started to work.  So maybe I do have powers they were summoning others to help.  HUM……

Enjoy you Day!!! Especially your mouth!!

Round 2 day 2 May 23, 2007

I’m miserable, weak and sick. Sorry there are no better words. The battle has begun and I feel like it’s killing me. It is just a bad day. I do hope to sleep though most of the misery. It is pretty darn horrible. I do love me kids and there is nothing better then hugs and kisses from my munchkins. I really lucked out having 3 boys. I’m a lucky Mom. Thank you all for posting!! As I lay here my eyes are too weak to read so my mom reads them to me and it makes my day. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to make mine a little brighter. A special thanks to all of you for helping me with my kids and dinner. It has made such a huge impact on our lives and we are truly grateful!!

Another One bites the dust May 22, 2007

Chemo went better than expected.  My dear friend Tamara came and sat with me during the treatment.  It made the time go by so much faster.  She even lost track of time.  I feel really sick and my throat is killing me.  It is a very sad realization that I walked in and felt so great and left feeling sick.  But I know It is killing the really bad stuff.  The port worked great.  It really stings going in and kills coming out, but it was nothing like last time.  See how LUCKY I am this week.   Here is a picture of what the port looks likes with the needle inserted.

I did get time to reflect on how much I value friendships.  Having friendships is so wonderful.  I love that we can meet total strangers and create these relationships of such depth and sincerity. Friendships are also made in such surprising circumstances.  I have grown so close to people that I would have never guessed.  We all have different things to offer.  Each friendship enhances a part of our life that is different.  I truly love my friends, each and every one has enriched my life.  I learn so much from all of you.  I feel blessed to have you in my life and I love how much I grow and learn from each and every one of your lives.  As I lay in bed today SICK, treasure your friends and think of all the wonderful things that have come from those friendships. I know I DO.  Thank you for posting.  It is the greatest medicine for me to lay here sick and in pain and read your messages.  Thank you for making this bearable.

All my love,
Sick Susan

Here we go again!! May 21, 2007

It is hard knowing what tomorrow will bring.  I have my next round of Chemo tomorrow.  I have lots of anxiety about it.  Now that I have had 3 good days in a row its hard to go back.  I really am enjoying normal life.  I feel like I’m a new women.  I guess the hard part is willingly going into the hospital to get my next round of WAR juice.  At least I know what to expect this time.  I know I have 10 hard days but 3 great days!!  That is better then we expected.  We thought I would have 13 bad days.

Did anyone watch Desperate Housewives last night?  One thing Lynette and I differ greatly on is out mothers.  I have the best Mom in the world.  I’m just so thankful for my MOM and all she has done to make this possible.  She makes the battle against cancer so much easier.

I know allot of you read the blog but don’t post.  I ask that for me, please post tomorrow.   Russ reads me the blog as I’m getting the Chemo and it is the best distraction we can find.  I feel so much better when he reads to me, I don’t feel so alone.  So if you can please post tomorrow!!!  I don’t care if it’s funny or even spelled right just knowing that you are out there with me in this HELPS.

I’m off to enjoy the Day with my sweetheart and make he best of my last good DAY!!!

I hope you enjoy your GOOD DAY!!!

Sleepless in Murrieta May 19, 2007

I find that I can’t sleep. Seems weird because all week I have been so exhausted. I’ve had two great days in a row. I’m so happy and so afraid all in one breath. I know a few days from now I have to start this whole process over again. It’s hard to fathom all of it. It seems to all catch up to me at night. I guess the nights I don’t have to take allot of medication for nausea and pain, are my sleepless nights. I feel like I want to live life in speed mode so I don’t miss out on anything when I’m having a good day. I just don’t want them to end because I’m so unsure of what the next day will bring. I forgot I had cancer! Can you believe that? I mean there were moments I would remember but for the big part of the day I felt normal. This was a HUGE gift. Tomorrow is Russell’s birthday and I feel like I got the gift today! I can’t tell you how blessed I feel to have Russell as a husband. He is truly my soul mate. He has been my knight in shinning armor through all of this. You know true love when it is put to the test. Cancer is quite a test of love. He is so loving and strong and best of all he is always here for me. He sees me at my worst and still seems to look at me with those eyes that tell me he loves me. For all the luck I have had in my life he is my best reward. Love is powerful and I feel his love heal me each day. Just having him hold me seems to always ease the pain. So tonight remember to love that somebody a little more a little harder because you never know what the next day will bring. Love is too powerful to hold back for another time. Love NOW, today, and always. Russell I LOVE YOU and Happy Birthday!!!