Flu is back April 4, 2008

Russ came home from work feeling really sick. He tried to say it was my waffles I made him this morning. But the rest of us are fine. KNOCK ON WOOD! He is throwing up and has a fever. I feel terrible for him. Just watching him in misery brings back all those memories. YUCK! Man I feel so blessed to be past that.

It is such a an amazing feeling to be healthy. Just watching others I know still fighting their battle tugs at my heart strings. I can feel the pain and remember all the internal turmoil you go through while trying to hold it all together. To be free of that life is such an amazing and overwhelming feeling. I wonder if soldiers feel this way. So relived and happy to be home but feel the guilt of leaving others behind. It is a bitter sweet feeling. You feel conflicted. These are very personal and raw feelings I’m sharing. I write them down so others that have gone through cancer or are still going through it might know they are not the only ones. Or maybe I am the only one who feels this way. Who knows? But this is just the real candid me. I’m realizing the after effects from cancer are very real. The mental battle doesn’t end with the treatments. It seems to all catch up and then we have to learn how to adjust to our new life experiences. This applies to every major event in our lives. Allowing ourselves to go through the emotions is an important part of the healing.