I’m Offically Cancer Free!!!! June 10, 2008

WOW!!! How can you sum up that kind of news?  We had a PET Scan done last Thursday and we got the results yesterday.

It said: No evidence of tumor
Interval resolution of the abnormal activity
Improvement in density R lung base
All areas “Pet negative”

I keep thinking it is a dream and I’m going to wake up.  But it seems to be real!  Did you ever think this day would come?   I’m humbled and grateful this day has finally come!  This kind of trail really changes a person it also makes me realise how long and overwhelming it felt being in the midst of it and now I look back thinking wow in a year I’m all done!  I hope to have many more years of great news like this.  What a relief!!!  Lets CELEBRATE!!!!

Adam May 15, 2008

Our little Adam was laying on the couch in our laps sounding out his name he was saying, “aaaaaaaaaa dummmmmm.” Then he looked up at Russ and I and in a very perplexed tone asked why we put Dumb in his name. I can tell you that Adam’s name was the hardest name we have ever picked. We didn’t have the name actually chosen until he was in our arms the night after he was born. I remember crying b/c I wanted so bad to have a name chosen b-4 he was born but Russ and I just couldn’t agree. We went into the hospital thinking he would be Alexander. So with that in mind you can imagine that I have never once thought of DUMB as part of Adam’s name. It would take a 5 year old to figure that out. My little Adam has no DUMB in him at all. He is very bright and so loving and creative. We just loving having out little Doggy Adam.

I hurt myself cancer May 13, 2008

We were discussing with Tyler what a blessing it was that we had Luke b/c we found out later I had cancer while pregnant with him.  It was a miracle I was able to carry him.  So then Russ and Tyler start talking about if that means Luke has cancer also.  Ty says, “Well Dad I think he has the cancer that makes him hurt himself.”  We chuckled because Luke has had so many tumbles, spills, running into, running overs, just too many to count.  That day Luke fell off the chair 3 times.  You think he would have learned after the first spill but NO he did it 3 times and manged to put his tooth through his lip.  He barley cried.  Then he was playing in our closet and ran his toe over with the sliding door cutting open his toe.  He had earlier in the week been running at the side of the house and ran smack dab into the BBQ making a moon shape on the side of his temple.  That was another day he didn’t cry very hard or long.  He is just so dang tough.  You can tell when he is hurt b/c he does whisper breathing like he is Lamaze breathing the pain away.  He is a handful of energy!  Tyler and he share the really HIGH pain thresh hold for pain.  Amazing Ty was 6 b-4 we had to go to the ER for staples.  Unfortunately for Luke he watches his older brothers do crazy things and he doesn’t realize he is only 2.  So he just goes for them as if he too were 7years old.  If you ever are bored you are welcome to take Luke for the day I guarantee it will be a day full of anything but boredom.

This is Luke’s moon shaped scab by his temple from the BBQ

These are pictures of Luke’s Lip he was upset b/c he wanted to have the camera.  You can see the mark outside where the tooth came through and the yucky white inside his lip where it went in.  Poor little guy!

Happy Mother’s Day May 11, 2008

I wanted to write a post about how lucky I am to have such wonderful Mother’s in my life. My Mom is the most loving warm fuzzy human being you have ever met. If you have ever met her you will agree. She has an amazing ability to make you feel at home and loved no matter who you are. She is so generous and if you ever need anything she will be the first person to offer you help. The past year my Mom was instrumental in my fight. I could not have done it with out her. She took over all my responsibilities and stepped up to the plate and just knew what needed to be done with out me asking. That is a hard task b/c I have a hard time asking for help so she just did it all with out me having to ask. My Mom had to watch her child suffer in ways a Mother should never have to see. But she weathered it like a champ. She was there to change bandages, take me to appointments, watch me throw up and curl up in a ball of pain. She always made me feel loved even when I tried to hide from her so she didn’t have to see the anguish I was in. I love my Mom more then any words can express! She is an angel and I’m lucky to have her in my life. You couldn’t have picked a better Mom to weather a storm with. When my Mom moved out a part of my heart broke. It is hard to let go of your rock. It has been a weird transition period trying to figure out how to be strong and independent while still longing for her help. My new found trial after cancer is learning to live a totally new life with out my Mom living here. She was here 3 years and my boys don’t remember ever living with out their Grammy and Papa. I guess every child in a way wishes (at least if they had my Mom they would) they could have their Mom close. Just know Mom that I love you even if you don’t live here. 🙂

My Mother-in-law Susan (a very nice name) is a wonderful Mother-In-Law. I’m lucky to not only have been blessed with one awesome Mom but 2. Susan is so kind and loving. She is the poster women of patience. She had 6 boys and one girl. I often wonder how she survived! I have 3 boys, including one that is a clone of her son – He alone keeps me on my toes. So how she managed 6 boys I still don’t know. She is always a beacon of faith and strength. I know her faith is unwavering in the most trying of times. She is very wise and is a wonderful example to me. She also loves unconditionally.  She just accepts and loves us no matter where we are in life. She was so wonderful to come out here to help me with the boys. I gained and amazing bond with her that I think comes when someone gives so much of themselves when serving another. It creates a relationship of great depth.

I will always cherish the past year b/c I was able to draw close to so many through my trial.

Happy Mother’s Day to EVERYONE!!!

Long time no Post

You know when you get out of the habit of posting you then just don’t make time for it.  It is just like journaling.  I know I feel so much better when i write all my feelings and thoughts out I just have been wrapped up in life.  It has been a very fun and full couple weeks.  My little brother Kyle got married and we had a ton of b-days!  It has been a whirlwind of parties and celebrations.  As my birthday came around this year I had time to reflect how very different it was last year.  Here was my post from my birthday last year:

I think they can track me now….

Port-a-Cath

Then we get to my wonderful Mother’s Day last year:

My special day

It is amazing how blessed I feel to not have been poked or pricked by needles the past 3 weeks.  Just to be out running around and doing anything and everything with my kids.  On my birthday I was able to go to Pump It up with my son and climb in and out of an obstacle course, up a big slide, and best of all watch his delight to have Mommy playing with him.  It was a day full of fun with friends and family.  Mother’s Day is perfect b.c nothing hurt!  I feel wonderful and healthy and was able to just enjoy being spoiled by my hubby and boys.

Life is so precious and I’m so lucky to be alive!  I’m thankful every day that this year is so different from last year and I’m hear to enjoy it.  We have these amazing trials in life that can almost kill us.  Then we survive and life just seems sweeter.  I’m very lucky to have had the experience I have had.  I am able to look at life so much differently and appreciate things so much more b/c of it.   There really is something true about not  knowing true joy until we have experienced pain.   So if you are in the midst  of a really hard trial just know in the end you will be so much stronger for it.  Think of it as exercising: it’s hard and not fun (well for a lot of us), but the results in the end are worth it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUKE April 16, 2008

Today is Luke’s Birthday! We had a wonderful Ball Party for him. He was so excited and couldn’t contain his delight when I started decorating with balls for his party. He kept trying so hard to name the different balls, like basket ball and baseball. He was adorable. He had so much fun that when the last person left he ran up to me wrapped his arms around my legs and said, “Tank You Mommy!” My heart just melted! He is such a sweetheart. Each day I’m hearing new words something about turning two really is the marker for when my kids decide to make sense out of their language. As I watched his sweet little face light up all I could do was think of how lucky I am to be alive to witness this joy. I ‘m overwhelmed with gratitude that I get to be a stressed out Mommy planning party’s and with the stress I also get to have all the joys. My boys are the greatest reward in life. I’m so blessed to be their Mommy!!! I love you LUKE!!!
UPDATE!

Before Luke’s party he decided to cover himself with banana and the nice clean counter Mommy just washed.  We had to take another shower and change clothes!

If you know Luke then you know the child never stops eating!  He really does eat meals but you would never know if you watch him.  He devours more then I do.

We then enjoyed making ballon faces and parachute fun followed bu Pin the Flag on Ball Poster.  Which Luke stuck the sticker to his blind fold then pressed his head to the poster in stead.  I think this game was aliitle to advanced for 2 year olds.  It was adorable to watch!

Luke Loved his presents and was excited about each one!  He had 3 different party’s which he delighted most in eating the cookie at each one.  He would say, “Me Birthday!”

One Year Mark!

So to celebrate this wonderful occasion my siblings talked me into running with them. Now let me tell you I havn’t run a mile since I was in high school. That was only done under protest to get a good grade. So I put on my running clothes and we are off. AHHHHHHHHHHH They take me on a grueling UP HILL 5 mile run. WOW!!!! I hurt to breath going up the hill. But we finished and I think our miles were around 11 mins each. That is very impressive to me!!! Finishing was a huge accomplishment! Can you believe a year ago to the day i found out I had cancer and now I’m running 5 miles. Kind of mind boggling to think how much can happen in a year. It was a great way to show how much a body can over come. Thanks to Ryan for jogging with me and pushing me to finish!! Oh and Eric for driving the car by me to give me an out if I needed it.

After our run me Ryan, Cristina & Amberlyn try and recuperate.

LOVE YOU!

Feels like summer April 12, 2008

It has been in the 90’s and so wonderful!  We heated the pool and enjoyed swimming today.  It was such a fun day!  We BBQ on our new grill and sat outside until 9pm.  It was so relaxing and perfect.  Luke is saying more words every day.  It is weird to hear something that sounds like a sentence.  He is obsessed with anything that has to do with balls.  He says football, but it sounds like Popple.  I Finally figured that out tonight after going through the day trying to figure out what a popple was.  He can say baseball perfectly.  He is going to have his birthday next Wed.  I can’t believe he is going to be 2.  The 16th not only marks his birthday, but the day we found out I had cancer.  It is amazing how much has happened in one year.  I feel very blessed to be alive and able to throw his 2yr old birthday party.  What a YEAR!

Great Super weird news! April 10, 2008

The biopsy came back benign.  YEAY!!!  It is a cyst that is filled with saliva.  That is weird!  I’m good at doing weird things.  They will watch it and drain it a few times. Dr. Jackson wanted to have me come in and talk to him more in depth about it.  I think I will skip it. 🙂  Less Doctors the better.  I’m hoping Dr. Shiftan will have the results and can talk about anything I need to know at tomorrows visit.  I can now sleep with happy dreams!  Last night was a night full of horrible dreams.  In my dream I had gone to playgroup and told them the cancer came back.  I watched them all go in the backyard and start screaming and crying.  It was the the most heart wrenching feeling.  I woke up feeling so drained and terrible.  I could just feel the stress of the nightmares heavy on my mind.  But now I’m delighted that we now can check one more thing off the list.  YEAY!  One more to go and we will be free………

Grief April 9, 2008

I was told heartbreaking news today.  Peggy, a women that I met right after I was diagnosed with cancer, passed away from Hodgin’s disease.  She was diagnosed 3 weeks before me with Hodgkins.  She had the tumors in the same places and was undergoing the ABVD chemo that I did.  It was nice to be able to chat back and forth and get the scoop as to what I should expect.  She had 4 rounds of ABVD (8 treatments) and then waited a month for the scans b-4 radiation.  I remember her and I talking about why she was able to have 8 when I was going to have 12.  I was so jealous!  Her scans came back and showed the tumors had grown.  So she was sent to City of Hope where she would undergo ICE, which is a harder chemo, and 2 stem cell rescues.  It was a rough course.  Last I had talked to her she was going to start radiation.  Today, to my utter shock, I was talking to her sister in-law asking how Peggy was.  She told me Peggy had passed away.  I couldn’t wrap my mind around this.  How could this happen so fast.  She said it was fast – they did a scan on a Friday and the cancer had grown and by Wed she was gone.  My heart is broken.  I can’t even begin to tell you how awful this is.  She was a Mom and wife and  this horrible disease took her life.  I can’t stop crying and I’m overwhelmed by the loss.  My heart just aches for her poor family left behind.  This is one of those times you shake your head and can’t help wondering why some live and some die from the same thing.  It just kills me!  Peggy, I will miss you and I admire the fight you went through to live. I know you are in a wonderful paradise now and will see your family again.  My love to your family!