HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUKE April 16, 2008

Today is Luke’s Birthday! We had a wonderful Ball Party for him. He was so excited and couldn’t contain his delight when I started decorating with balls for his party. He kept trying so hard to name the different balls, like basket ball and baseball. He was adorable. He had so much fun that when the last person left he ran up to me wrapped his arms around my legs and said, “Tank You Mommy!” My heart just melted! He is such a sweetheart. Each day I’m hearing new words something about turning two really is the marker for when my kids decide to make sense out of their language. As I watched his sweet little face light up all I could do was think of how lucky I am to be alive to witness this joy. I ‘m overwhelmed with gratitude that I get to be a stressed out Mommy planning party’s and with the stress I also get to have all the joys. My boys are the greatest reward in life. I’m so blessed to be their Mommy!!! I love you LUKE!!!
UPDATE!

Before Luke’s party he decided to cover himself with banana and the nice clean counter Mommy just washed.  We had to take another shower and change clothes!

If you know Luke then you know the child never stops eating!  He really does eat meals but you would never know if you watch him.  He devours more then I do.

We then enjoyed making ballon faces and parachute fun followed bu Pin the Flag on Ball Poster.  Which Luke stuck the sticker to his blind fold then pressed his head to the poster in stead.  I think this game was aliitle to advanced for 2 year olds.  It was adorable to watch!

Luke Loved his presents and was excited about each one!  He had 3 different party’s which he delighted most in eating the cookie at each one.  He would say, “Me Birthday!”

One Year Mark!

So to celebrate this wonderful occasion my siblings talked me into running with them. Now let me tell you I havn’t run a mile since I was in high school. That was only done under protest to get a good grade. So I put on my running clothes and we are off. AHHHHHHHHHHH They take me on a grueling UP HILL 5 mile run. WOW!!!! I hurt to breath going up the hill. But we finished and I think our miles were around 11 mins each. That is very impressive to me!!! Finishing was a huge accomplishment! Can you believe a year ago to the day i found out I had cancer and now I’m running 5 miles. Kind of mind boggling to think how much can happen in a year. It was a great way to show how much a body can over come. Thanks to Ryan for jogging with me and pushing me to finish!! Oh and Eric for driving the car by me to give me an out if I needed it.

After our run me Ryan, Cristina & Amberlyn try and recuperate.

LOVE YOU!

Feels like summer April 12, 2008

It has been in the 90’s and so wonderful!  We heated the pool and enjoyed swimming today.  It was such a fun day!  We BBQ on our new grill and sat outside until 9pm.  It was so relaxing and perfect.  Luke is saying more words every day.  It is weird to hear something that sounds like a sentence.  He is obsessed with anything that has to do with balls.  He says football, but it sounds like Popple.  I Finally figured that out tonight after going through the day trying to figure out what a popple was.  He can say baseball perfectly.  He is going to have his birthday next Wed.  I can’t believe he is going to be 2.  The 16th not only marks his birthday, but the day we found out I had cancer.  It is amazing how much has happened in one year.  I feel very blessed to be alive and able to throw his 2yr old birthday party.  What a YEAR!

Great Super weird news! April 10, 2008

The biopsy came back benign.  YEAY!!!  It is a cyst that is filled with saliva.  That is weird!  I’m good at doing weird things.  They will watch it and drain it a few times. Dr. Jackson wanted to have me come in and talk to him more in depth about it.  I think I will skip it. 🙂  Less Doctors the better.  I’m hoping Dr. Shiftan will have the results and can talk about anything I need to know at tomorrows visit.  I can now sleep with happy dreams!  Last night was a night full of horrible dreams.  In my dream I had gone to playgroup and told them the cancer came back.  I watched them all go in the backyard and start screaming and crying.  It was the the most heart wrenching feeling.  I woke up feeling so drained and terrible.  I could just feel the stress of the nightmares heavy on my mind.  But now I’m delighted that we now can check one more thing off the list.  YEAY!  One more to go and we will be free………

Grief April 9, 2008

I was told heartbreaking news today.  Peggy, a women that I met right after I was diagnosed with cancer, passed away from Hodgin’s disease.  She was diagnosed 3 weeks before me with Hodgkins.  She had the tumors in the same places and was undergoing the ABVD chemo that I did.  It was nice to be able to chat back and forth and get the scoop as to what I should expect.  She had 4 rounds of ABVD (8 treatments) and then waited a month for the scans b-4 radiation.  I remember her and I talking about why she was able to have 8 when I was going to have 12.  I was so jealous!  Her scans came back and showed the tumors had grown.  So she was sent to City of Hope where she would undergo ICE, which is a harder chemo, and 2 stem cell rescues.  It was a rough course.  Last I had talked to her she was going to start radiation.  Today, to my utter shock, I was talking to her sister in-law asking how Peggy was.  She told me Peggy had passed away.  I couldn’t wrap my mind around this.  How could this happen so fast.  She said it was fast – they did a scan on a Friday and the cancer had grown and by Wed she was gone.  My heart is broken.  I can’t even begin to tell you how awful this is.  She was a Mom and wife and  this horrible disease took her life.  I can’t stop crying and I’m overwhelmed by the loss.  My heart just aches for her poor family left behind.  This is one of those times you shake your head and can’t help wondering why some live and some die from the same thing.  It just kills me!  Peggy, I will miss you and I admire the fight you went through to live. I know you are in a wonderful paradise now and will see your family again.  My love to your family!

Waiting April 8, 2008

The biopsy spot

The biopsy was yesterday. There seemed to be allot of confusion as to what we were doing. That doesn’t make you feel very comfortable. Everyone upstairs where I was admitted thought they were putting me under and the actual procedure would take 1-1.5 hours. When we finally get wheeled down the the radiology dept they explain it is going to take about 10 mins. They are going to just give me pain meds and maybe a twilight drug. Boy the story kept changing. Then the radiologist said he wasn’t going to do it if he didn’t see it on the scan. So they took pics and came back in. I asked my nurse if they saw it he said yes. Next the room was changing and I felt drugs. YUCK! The radiologist came in and started numbing the area. HE didn’t like to talk much. I always feel more at ease if they talk me through what is going on. I hate it when you hear and feel things but have no idea what it is. I didn’t like his bedside manner. I think maybe he doesn’t have to deal with patient very often so he wasn’t use to it. Any ways he stuck some thing in that clicked like gears and this happened 3-4 times. It stung a bit but the drugs really did take the edge off. Then I went back to the room where I now got to feel the drug effects. I was so sick! I did throw up and that helped. But I just hate that feeling. I now have a swollen lump that is growing behind my ear that is hot and making my ear really hurt. I’m having horrible pains in my head and I feel very sick. I’ve e-mailed and called the docs to see if this is normal. I hope you have had a fun interesting day. 🙂 I know I sure like to keep things happening!

Scared April 6, 2008

I go in for the biopsy tomorrow morning.  As you all sleep in I will be in the hospital. 🙂  So dream pleasant dreams for me.  I’m really scared b/c I read on another persons Hodgkin’s site that he had a lump come back and all the scans & blood work came back negative for Hodgkin’s.  So he thought well it is just a silly little bump.  They did a needle biopsy and it came back as Hodgkin’s.  So now I’m scared.  I hate reading things I really shouldn’t.  Wish me luck.  My parents are here to get me.  They will take me to the hospital in the morning.

Flu is back April 4, 2008

Russ came home from work feeling really sick. He tried to say it was my waffles I made him this morning. But the rest of us are fine. KNOCK ON WOOD! He is throwing up and has a fever. I feel terrible for him. Just watching him in misery brings back all those memories. YUCK! Man I feel so blessed to be past that.

It is such a an amazing feeling to be healthy. Just watching others I know still fighting their battle tugs at my heart strings. I can feel the pain and remember all the internal turmoil you go through while trying to hold it all together. To be free of that life is such an amazing and overwhelming feeling. I wonder if soldiers feel this way. So relived and happy to be home but feel the guilt of leaving others behind. It is a bitter sweet feeling. You feel conflicted. These are very personal and raw feelings I’m sharing. I write them down so others that have gone through cancer or are still going through it might know they are not the only ones. Or maybe I am the only one who feels this way. Who knows? But this is just the real candid me. I’m realizing the after effects from cancer are very real. The mental battle doesn’t end with the treatments. It seems to all catch up and then we have to learn how to adjust to our new life experiences. This applies to every major event in our lives. Allowing ourselves to go through the emotions is an important part of the healing.

Another Joke or was it???? April 3, 2008

I’m scheduled to have a needle biopsy on Monday. I thought it was going to be a small little in and out visit. I guess not I get admitted to the hospital and put under and the whole sha-bang. 6-8 hours I’ll be there. CRAZY!

Oh I forgot one more thing that happened on April 1st. Dr. Jackson’s office called to give me the phone numbers to call for my biopsy. Then she said, “I see also you have a kidney transplant that is needed.” I said, “Uh…you have the wrong patient.” She said, “This is Susan Jeide Right?” Yes, but I don’t have any kidney issues I had cancer. Then she was really confused as to why my chart read all this stuff. She was really apologetic and said, “Can I call you back?” Needless to say I didn’t hear back from her. I think maybe someone was playing a joke on her. I HOPE, and not some error in my charts. Can you imagine me going in for a needle biopsy and coming out with out a kidney? Thought you might get a kick out of that.

April Fool’s Day April 1, 2008

You know you must be well again when you get fooled multiple times during the day.  My dear sweet well not so sweet brother Eric is the ring master.  He posted on the

:http://dysfunctionalinlaws.wordpress.com

this post:

1. Susan Jeide said,

   March 31, 2008 at 10:18 pm · Edit

   I just got off the phone with Mandy and she has some great news!!!
   It’s not my place to say though, but I think it’s worth everyone hearing it. So call her today and congratulate her and her family I’m sure she will love to hear from you all!!!
   Love Susan.
   Her cell number is 760-271-2939 FYI she wakes up at 5:30 with the baby, so the earlier the better to call and hear her awesome news.

Now I didn’t write this post.  He just made it look like I did.  Then this morning he made calls to all the family members telling them to call Mandy and congratulate her.  Needless to say she was less then amused by this joke.  So I thought it was Eric’s turn to get the brunt of the joke.  I called Ryan and asked for ideas.  Then we came up with me meeting Eric for lunch and while we were in the restaurant Ryan use the spare key and steal Eric’s car leaving it at Eric’s house to find after he goes through the whole process of filing a stolen car report.  So all goes according to plan I thought.  Eric has me take him to the Police station and then to the DMV.  I”m feeling bad at this point and call Ryan to say this was too far.  Then Ryan starts backing out saying it wasn’t his idea.  Anyways Eric walks back out and has written backwards April Fool’s Day on the DMV sheet.  SO Ryan double Crossed me and told Eric and they played me.  CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!!!  I was double crossed!!!!  Dirty little scoundrels.  So I end the day defeated and once again I didn’t pull one on Eric.
I hope you had a day full of laughs.